by Jeanette Kierstead
A coffee designed for the adrenaline-junkies of coffee worship, this brand is perhaps more likely to raise the dead from their graves than the opposite.
My crazy coffee fiend of a wife delved into this brand as a way to kick start her evenings and sustain her energy levels during her turns chiseling away at twelve hour night shifts at the hospital where she works as a nurse.
She’d tried all the brands at the local grocery store to no avail; Nothing quite seemed to give her the kick in the face that she desired to resuscitate her the afternoon after waking up from the previous night’s graveyard shift…
That is, until she stumbled across Deathwish Coffee Company, whose self-titled product is renowned for its mysterious and potent power to send space ships hurtling into the blackness of space and toward the stars.
My wife was so thrilled with the results of dancing with Deathwish coffee throughout her night that she could not wait to spread the word throughout her workplace; I mean, she had essentially discovered the holy grail of coffee brands for those in need of a serious caffeine boost.
Between the rich, smooth flavor and the rocket-fuel-like effects, nearly all her comrades in health care made the conversion to the religion that is Deathwish Coffee.
Their nightly ritual involves alternating whose turn it is to brew the next pot, and taking moments to reflect on how much more alert and energized they feel as they care for the ill and injured of our community like true warriors of the starlit hours.
Naturally, my super enthusiastic wife attempted to convert me to the ways of Deathwish coffee.
However, contrary to her, I am not a sailor of strange and rotating hours of wakefulness.
I work behind a computer monitor at my steady and highly cliché 9-5. After a few jitter-inducing experiments with bravely takingthe dragon-punch of Deathwish’s self-titled product, I admitted with a sigh of defeat that there was just too much kick locked within the coffee beans for my office-dwelling ways.
Aside from the lesser physical energy output requirements of my career, I’ve always been a bit on the sensitive side when it comes to caffeine.
A few cups left me a little too wired up for my personal comfort, although I’d definitely recommend the product to those whose nerves can handle it.
I can’t deny that it was incredibly pleasant tasting and has been a game changer for my wife and her coworkers, so I’m certainly not a naysayer.
I just had to come to terms with it being just a touch overboard for what I needed on a personal level, even if my ego protested slightly.
Dismayed, I was about to forfeit completely and leave the rocket-fuel brand to my wife to indulge in, when by what was surely the far-reaching and mysterious power of the Norse gods, I stumbled upon an offshoot of Deathwish Coffee Company that sounded like it might just be the best of all worlds for someone in my situation.
This product was boldly titled Valhalla Java Odinforce Blend, and I’m not going to beat around the bush around it…
The fact that this product had been endorsed by none other than the Viking-like god of a guitarist, Zakk Wylde, did not hurt in piquing my curiosity.
After all, Wylde had been my idol back in my head banging days, and if he said it was worth checking out, I figured it was worth the shot.
Additionally, I reasoned that even if it was yet again too much kick for my morning routine, the novelty of the metallic gold depiction of the Norse God Odin adorning the jet-black bag was badass enough to make it worth its stay in our kitchen cupboard.
I’d felt a pull toward Norse Mythology since my teens, and Odin in particular was always at the forefront of my fascination. His single-eyed face seemed to scream out “Do ittttt” from the product page I stared at unblinkingly.
Who could possibly disobey? My mind was made up. Locked and loaded, I fearlessly pulled that trigger with my credit card.
Several days later, early in the morning, I was slouched groggily on my stool at the little table in the kitchen, when I peered outside the window to see two ravens perched majestically on the fence outlining the front yard.
They seemed to stare me down, before flying toward the window I sat in front of and rocketing upward over the roof with a raucous duet of “CRAWWWW, CRAWWW”. As soon as they vanished from sight, the mail lady appeared at the end of the drive way with a package in her hands.
To my awareness we weren’t expecting any more online orders to arrive in this time frame, so I was confident I knew exactly what awaited me upon her knock at the door.
The twin ravens who had flown over my head just a seconds before seemed too uncanny. Could they have been embodiments of Huginn and Muninn, the raven messengers of Odin?
Seemed fitting for them to materialize right before the modern day mortal messenger service.
Sure enough, upon being handed the package, I tore it open to discover the Valhalla Odinforce Blend coffee bag gleaming up at me in all its black and gold glory. Odin’s face seemed to stare into my soul, summoning the opening of the bag.
As I obliged, a rich, sweet aroma wafted into my nostrils, making my mouth water, and within a hasty 30 seconds, I had loaded up the filter basket with the delectably scented grinds and hit brew.
Smoky, sensuous vapour with hints of sweetness permeated the air as I eagerly waited for the pot to complete its brew cycle, and by the time I had poured the first cup, I could not bring myself to taint the flavour with the addition of sugar; A bit of cream (merely because I don’t enjoy the texture of black coffee) was all I felt was required before taking my first, enthusiastic sip.
And let me tell you; It was everything I had hoped and more.
This was literally like the power of the gods in a cup of coffee. To my taste buds, the flavor was slightly mellower than that of Deathwish’s title product, and had a more complex, yet subtle, desserty essence to it.
Traces of chocolate and sweet molasses were hinted at as the coffee dreamed its way across my palette. There was no bitterness, only rich, smooth flavor that made that morning easier to get through than had been the norm in quite some time.
The rising yellow sun rippled through the wisps of steam drifting out of the mug, and I was truly glad to be alive in that moment, in both the company of this delightful product and the powerful forces it seemed to invoke around me.
My reaction to the caffeine content was perfect. It provided enough of a jolt to push me through my morning routine, without feeling like I’d need to peel myself from the ceiling before heading out the door.
With this product, I felt as though I was merely super human. You know, just that… Ready to conquer the day and any obstacles it might present.
Although Valhalla Odinforce blend by Deathwish Coffee Company is a bit on the pricey side of things, it’s not the level of boost I would need to keep me going throughout the work day, but makes for a fantastic incorporation into my morning routine and lasts quite a while.
I actually do look forward to getting up and brewing my pot of Valhalla Odinforce Blend coffee each day, and it really helps put me in the right mindset for the levels of productivity I expect of myself within my career.
I’m currently on my fourth bag, and I doubt I’ll be turning back anytime soon. It can be tough to find a good coffee to suit your needs and tastes, and I can say with the assurance of a god that I have definitely found mine!
As an added bonus, the product comes with a neat little sticker in the style of the bag design. Can’t go wrong with that.
This coffee also boasts the awesome qualities of being both fair trade and USDA Certified organic, which is a huge bonus seeing how coffee farmers have been treated over time, and how heavily sprayed of a crop non-organic coffee usually is.
Without hesitation, I would enthusiastically recommend this to anyone who seeks a flavorful, non-bitter coffee with significantly more of a kick to it than store-bought brands but who may be prone to jitters when too much caffeine is present.
It’s been a great happy medium for me, and I definitely suggest giving it a shot. I did, and am far from regretting it. I never thought simply finding the right coffee would make such an impact until it happened to me, and am eternally grateful!
Thanks for reading my somewhat non-conventional review, and I truly hope that it helps you guys make the decision to pull that trigger and get yourself some Valhalla Odinforce Blend coffee.
Besides, if you don’t like it, which I find hard to imagine, they’ll refund you without a hassle! No excuse now. You know you want to take the plunge.
PS: I can’t guarantee Odinforce coffee will allow you to do this:
About Jeanette Kierstead
Jeanette has been testing and reviewing kitchen appliances for over six years now, so she knows her stuff when it comes to finding the best ones. In her spare time, she loves nothing more than baking cakes and cookies – especially if she can do so with one of her favorite stand mixers! When she's not in the kitchen, Jeanette is usually looking after everything homes-related; from garden tools to smart home products.